Christmas Tree Adventure 2010

Yesterday afternoon Dave, Grace, and I met up with my parents at Doumel's Tree Farm to hunt down this year's Christmas tree(s).  It was a spur of the moment thing; the weather was beautiful and we figured it was our best bet for a comfortable outing (last year we all froze our buns off).  We made the decision to go while Grace was napping.  After she woke up, I told her what we were planning to do.  She was so excited, especially because she got to see Grandma and Grandpa. 

Searching for the perfect tree

Grace spent most of her time singing and running around

Mom, Dad, and Grace watching the horses go by

Grace loved seeing the horses and going for a ride, although she did remark that they were "a little bit pew-y." As we were driving to dinner after finding our trees, Grace said that she needed to give the horses "toilet paper to wipe their bottoms with."  Yes, I agree.

Dave and his saw

Mom

Leaving with our tree

While my parent's found and cut down their tree very quickly, I, as usual, had a hard time deciding on just the right tree.  After traipsing through aisle after aisle of various species, we made our way back up to the front of the farm where they had pre-cut trees.  So, although Dave didn't get to actually cut our tree down himself, we left with a really nice looking Fraser Fir. Now I just need to get excited about decorating it!

Thanksgiving 2010

We spent Turkey Day at Aunt Deb's house with her family and Great Grandma Lower.  Although most of us seemed to be in various states of disrepair, it was still nice to get together around the table for a few hours and catch up (hopefully no germs were exchanged).  Aunt Deb's food was delicious as usual.  And, as usual, we ate till we pertinure burst.

Here are a few photos... 

Fun with Riley

 Kellie and Anna

Cousins getting re-acquainted

 Kaitlyn and Anna

 Great Grandma Lower with Anna and Grace

 So many cameras to choose from...

And, so many yummy pies!

Hoping everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  We sure have a lot to be thankful for...

Lights Out

One of my more embarrassing moments took place yesterday.  Fortunately I was too sick and out of it to really care.  I ended up passing out at Kroger after a week of battling bugs at our place.

Grace and I came down with a cold early last week.  Over the weekend I started to run a fever, eventually hitting 103 degrees.  I have had problems with secondary infections since having Grace two years ago, and I figured I just had another sinus infection, so I went to my doctor Monday morning to get an antibiotic.  As I was waiting for my prescription, I decided to go to Kroger to pick up a few things.

As I was waiting to "check out" (behind two of the slowest Grannys in Midland), I started feeling a little nauseated, but thought I could make it.  As the cashier started ringing me up, I got really sweaty and my vision started to get darker and darker.  I tried to walk over to the bench to sit down, but I didn't make it-I hit the floor instead.  Fortunately, Jan, a close family friend, was also at Kroger.  She stayed with me while the EMTs came, helped me drop my groceries off, and then drove me to the ER.

The doctor in the ER didn't seem too worried about the possibility of a head injury (when I fell I hit my head really hard), but he gave me some fluids and IV antibiotics and sent me home.  I was grateful I didn't have to go through any unnecessary tests.

Today my fever is gone and I'm feeling better.  I think the combination of not eating or drinking anything and the fever is what caused me to crash.  I'm so thankful that Grace wasn't with me at the time-she was with my Mom.  And I'm also so thankful for Jan- I think it was God's doing that she was there.

Photo Therapy

Finally got outside today with my camera.  It felt good to take some photos again-it had been a while (well, ok, since Halloween, but still)  and I'd started really missing it.  Nothing special - just a ride around our not-very-visually-appealing neighborhood. 

Grace has started riding her bike all by herself (although she still likes to be pushed).  It's fun to watch and imagine just how different things will be this time next year.  I imagine she'll be tooling all around on a new bike by then.  I really noticed tonight that she is becoming more and more a little girl.  She's growing so fast, it's hard to believe.  I'm so thankful for her and the ability to capture these fleeting moments. 

What now?

I have been wondering this for the last couple of weeks.  Thinking about the future helps to take the sting out of the "right now."  I have thought through every angle of every alternative we could possibly choose.  Another round of IVF?  Embryo adoption?  Traditional adoption?  Foster care?  My brain has been a very busy place lately, and I'm exhausted...

What I know I need to do is wait...at least for a little while.  The grief and desperation I've been feeling is not where good decisions are made.  This is hard for a person who likes everything her way and now. But, this experience has once again made it exceedingly clear that I AM NOT IN CONTROL.  And, that is probably a very good thing.

So, speaking of waiting, I came upon this amazing poem, which moved me so much and turned me into a puddle on the couch.  I think you'll like it too...

Desperately,
helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently,
lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.....

and the Master so gently said,
Wait.

Wait? you say wait?
my indignant reply.
Lord, I need answers,
I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened?
Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance
and you tell me to Wait?

I'm needing a yes,
a go-ahead sign.
Or even a no,
to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord,
that if we believe,
We need but to ask,
and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking,
and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking!
I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
as my Master replied again, Wait.
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God,
So, I'm waiting
for what?????

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine....
and He tenderly said,
I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and
darken the sun. I could raise the dead
and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek
and
pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want
but
you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know
the depth of My love
for each saint.

You'd not know
the power that I give
to the faint.

You'd not learn to see
through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust
just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy
of resting in Me
when darkness and silence
are all you can see.

You'd never experience
the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit
descends like a dove.

You would know that I give,
and I save, for a start,
But, you'd not know the depth
of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort
late into the night,
the faith that I give
when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond
getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who
makes what you have last.

You'd never know should
your pain quickly flee.
what it means that My grace
is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams
overnight would come true,
but, oh, the loss, if you missed
what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child
and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts
is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers
seem terribly late,
My most precious answer
of all is still........

Wait.