I'm not sure how it all happened, really. One day Dave commented to me that he ushered with a realtor at church, and that they had discussed the housing market in Midland, and how we were planning on buying in the spring. That peeked our interest to look into our finances and get approved for a loan (which is a bit complicated because of our short-sale two years ago). And today, we were open-housing with plans to see more homes with our realtor this week. How did this happen? I should have known better. I'm not good at taking my time with this kind of stuff. It's all consuming for me. If I see something that I think is an ideal fit, it's very hard for me to sit on it for any length of time.
I did learn a few things after the fiasco with our house in Gaylord, but it is so easy to get caught up in the emotion of home buying. Midland seems to be in a bubble, not quite as impacted by the fall in the housing market. And things are starting to move. I'm really hoping that we can get a good deal on a house, and make up some of what we lost on our last house. One scary thing to note: I looked on the Michigan Sex Offender Registry and found that there was a sex offender living right across the street from a home we really liked. I can't imagine if we would have bought the home and then found that out - what a nightmare!
1.23.2011
1.18.2011
Cardinal
No snow day today, but we did get to spend some time at my parent's house this afternoon. While we were there I shot this photo of Grace's favorite bird, a "Papa Cardinal," all fluffed up, trying to keep warm.
Cute little guy, isn't he?
1.15.2011
Brrrr!
It was cold out there today-even with the sunshine. Our time in the snow was short lived, but fun nonetheless. I got some great shots of Grace, which is not the norm for me with the bright sun and snow. We're planning on sledding for the first time tomorrow or Monday (this is a long weekend for Dave), which I'm really looking forward to. Grace and I haven't been going out much lately (mostly due to the blues I've been having and the cold we all had after New Year's), but I'm really going to make an effort to change that. It's feels good to get a little sunshine and breath in the crisp air. Grace sure loves it...
1.14.2011
1.13.2011
The Gift of Forgiveness
I feel like every blog I write could open with, "Lately I've been struggling with... (insert any number of things). So, here goes. Lately I've been struggling with forgiveness. I really thought that I had worked through and washed my hands of this particular issue, but I apparently have not.
I'll try to give the condensed version here. Six years ago when we lived in Grand Blanc, our family physician, Dr. Rajakumari Swamy, prescribed a medication for Dave to treat what she thought was a hormonal imbalance. At the time we were just starting to try to conceive. We had been through some testing: semen analysis for Dave, and a HSG for me. Everything looked good. When I asked Dr. Swamy if this new medication (a steroid cream) would impair Dave's fertility at all, she reassured me that, if anything, it would help. She couldn't have been more wrong. It actually took his normal sperm count down to zero and caused scarring inside his testicles that was irreversible. After seeing a urologist in Ann Arbor for two years, he finally told us our only chance of having a child would be through IVF (he initially thought things would correct themselves with time).
At that point we took some time and sought the counsel of our pastor to decide whether or not we should sue Dr Swamy. We decided to talk to a lawyer, too, who told us it was too late to sue-it had to be less than two years since the malpractice, and it was just over two at that time. So, that answered that. We eventually came to terms with things (it was much easier for Dave than for me). After all of this we still had not confronted Dr Swamy about what had happened (although the specialist in Ann Arbor had been sending her our office notes, so I think she was probably aware). I decided that rather than do a face-to-face confrontation, I would write to her. I poured our feelings into a letter and included all of the lab work and physician's notes from Ann Arbor. I ended the letter by telling her that I forgave her for what had happened. A few months later, we moved on to IVF and, by the Grace of God, had our little girl.
A couple of years, tens of thousands of dollars, and a failed IVF attempt later, I am really hurting from this again. Old wounds seem to have opened up again. I think not having the finances to have another child ( through IVF or adoption) is what has really brought this to mind again. I don't want to give up. I want to keep trying. I want to make it happen. But, I can't do anything about it. Before Grace, I desperately prayed to God for "just one child." And I am so grateful for her. But in my heart, I've always wanted a large family and dreams die hard, at least they do for me.
On my end of things, I know I've got some real work to do. Forgiveness is a gift that we give to others, but it's also a gift that we give ourselves. It frees us from the bondage of the past and allows us move forward. I haven't had much forward movement lately. Maybe it would be easier if we had gotten a response to our letter, an apology, or even a check in the mail- that would have been nice. But forgiveness shouldn't be dictated by whether or not the person who wronged us is repentant. I certainly didn't deserve to be forgiven, but by God's grace I have been. I need to do the same for others.
I hope that I can look back on all of this a few years from now and be happy that things happened the way they did, "mistakes" and all. Maybe we wouldn't have Grace if it weren't for them. And, maybe God will provide another little one that we wouldn't have had otherwise. I sure hope and pray that is the case.
I'll try to give the condensed version here. Six years ago when we lived in Grand Blanc, our family physician, Dr. Rajakumari Swamy, prescribed a medication for Dave to treat what she thought was a hormonal imbalance. At the time we were just starting to try to conceive. We had been through some testing: semen analysis for Dave, and a HSG for me. Everything looked good. When I asked Dr. Swamy if this new medication (a steroid cream) would impair Dave's fertility at all, she reassured me that, if anything, it would help. She couldn't have been more wrong. It actually took his normal sperm count down to zero and caused scarring inside his testicles that was irreversible. After seeing a urologist in Ann Arbor for two years, he finally told us our only chance of having a child would be through IVF (he initially thought things would correct themselves with time).
At that point we took some time and sought the counsel of our pastor to decide whether or not we should sue Dr Swamy. We decided to talk to a lawyer, too, who told us it was too late to sue-it had to be less than two years since the malpractice, and it was just over two at that time. So, that answered that. We eventually came to terms with things (it was much easier for Dave than for me). After all of this we still had not confronted Dr Swamy about what had happened (although the specialist in Ann Arbor had been sending her our office notes, so I think she was probably aware). I decided that rather than do a face-to-face confrontation, I would write to her. I poured our feelings into a letter and included all of the lab work and physician's notes from Ann Arbor. I ended the letter by telling her that I forgave her for what had happened. A few months later, we moved on to IVF and, by the Grace of God, had our little girl.
A couple of years, tens of thousands of dollars, and a failed IVF attempt later, I am really hurting from this again. Old wounds seem to have opened up again. I think not having the finances to have another child ( through IVF or adoption) is what has really brought this to mind again. I don't want to give up. I want to keep trying. I want to make it happen. But, I can't do anything about it. Before Grace, I desperately prayed to God for "just one child." And I am so grateful for her. But in my heart, I've always wanted a large family and dreams die hard, at least they do for me.
On my end of things, I know I've got some real work to do. Forgiveness is a gift that we give to others, but it's also a gift that we give ourselves. It frees us from the bondage of the past and allows us move forward. I haven't had much forward movement lately. Maybe it would be easier if we had gotten a response to our letter, an apology, or even a check in the mail- that would have been nice. But forgiveness shouldn't be dictated by whether or not the person who wronged us is repentant. I certainly didn't deserve to be forgiven, but by God's grace I have been. I need to do the same for others.
I hope that I can look back on all of this a few years from now and be happy that things happened the way they did, "mistakes" and all. Maybe we wouldn't have Grace if it weren't for them. And, maybe God will provide another little one that we wouldn't have had otherwise. I sure hope and pray that is the case.
1.11.2011
Conversations of Late
"Why, Mommy?"
"Why?"
"Mommy, why?"
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"Mommy, why not?"
"Why not, Mommy?"
"Why not?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Mommy, why?"
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"Mommy, why not?"
"Why not, Mommy?"
"Why not?"
"Why?"
1.10.2011
Sunset Snapshots
Last night I drove Dave out to church to pick up his car that we had left there earlier in the day. We arrived just in time to catch an amazing sunset. Luckily I had my point-and-shoot in my bag and was able to capture a few shots. I was pleasantly surprised when I looked back at the photos later (too bad Walmart is in the background). Sure is a great place to watch the sun go down!
1.09.2011
Papa Time
Dave was a good sport this week, letting Grace style his hair and apply tinted "chappy" to his lips, multiple times. (She's been pretending to be Sarah, our stylist, a lot lately.) Today, Dave had an excited little assistant, eager to do everything Papa was doing. She helped put together another much-needed storage/shelving unit to house her many Christmas gifts. We're both learning to put Grace to work more often; she's a fantastic little helper, and I know it's good for her and makes her feel good about herself.
Late this afternoon we decided to run over to Saginaw to return a few things. We had a "delectable" dinner at Macy's, and really enjoyed our time out as a family. As luck would have it, Macy's was having a really good sale. Dave left with two very happy girls!
Combing Papa's beard
A little "chappy"
Chopsticks: a new addition to her styling arsenal
Reading the instruction manual, just like Papa
So glad to have a handy man
And, a handy girl
1.02.2011
Winding Down
We celebrated Christmas with Dave's family on New Year's Eve. We also celebrated both Seth and Ahguei's birthdays at Genji's later that night, which has become a birthday tradition over the years. I'm kind of glad the celebrations have drawn to a close, and I'm "enjoying" getting caught up on housework and just staying home for a change. I'm not sure if I have the energy or mental faculty to do a year-end wrap-up or a "hopes-for-the-new-year" post. We haven't even left Midland and I'm totally spent. I'm really looking forward to getting back into a routine this week.
Some photos from our week...
Grace really likes Thomas the Train (and Gordon, and Henry...)
Grace loved visiting with her cousins, Eliana and Megan
Helping Granny open her gift
My sister-in-law, Lisa, thrilled with her new silverware
Dave's sister, Sara
Helping Papa and Grandpa make blueberry pancakes
Megan, out for a ride on her new bike
Chasing Megan around the neighborhood
Dinner out at Genji's
Poor Ahguei had to endure a 'happy birthday' serenade
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