Counting Blessings

She is an answered prayer.  An undeserved blessing. The joy of our hearts.  Everything we've ever wanted.

Sometimes I wonder why God would give us such a treasure.  I'm sure there were more deserving souls out there with much better parenting skills.  Sometimes I fear that He'll change His mind and take her away.

I've stumbled upon some new blogs lately.  Some have been really hard to read.  It's hard to understand why God has called so many to walk such hard, hard roads. Why anyone should have to lose a child.  But, over and over again I see it - the supernatural strength and courage of believers.  To be honest, it's just too hard for me to even think about. 

It has made me appreciate our gift all the more.  It has moved me to be a better parent.  To have more patience.  To pay more attention.  To not sweat the small stuff.  To make sure our little girl knows just how much she is loved. To better prepare her physically, emotionally and spiritually for this life; for this world that seems so dark at times.

I want Grace to see the light of Christ through me.  Through us.  Lately, I haven't had much of a light to shine.

My faith feels small.  But I know my God is big.